Title: Changes part 3

Song: "I found my everything" By Mary J.

Each day has become extremely repeatative.  With just working and playing "catch-up" with all of my bills.  My thoughts are still the same with the changes going on in my life just much mored intense and without 15 minute breaks!  Complicated things have become.  With evolving in 2006, I realize this means changing many things to uplift the other important things.  Obviously, my life before wasn't working right, so something has to change.  I haven't lost any weight either since I was supposed to start working out last year.  Well, actually I lost about 5 pounds but that is nothing to me.  I want to...actually...maybe not loose but definatley tone up the weight that I am carrying now.  It's not heavy or anything, but I can definately tighten it up.

Mary J gets all of the play in my car stereo right now.  Her album is so good.  I can just let it play over and over again.  I am also listening to James Blunt right now, Life Jennings, & Fantasia.  But that is besides the point.

You know I really want to come here and release my thoughts but the problem is that when I get here I am not sure of what to say anymore.  I don't know what it is, but it's just not as private anymore.  I don't know.  I guess I will end this for now and come back when I feel more like sharing.

~Emani~

I can tell thta life has thrown and is still throwin' you a few curves! ANd I can tell thta we're on the same page with a few things, no it doesn't seem as private anymore and there are a few things thta I would like to share but just not with EVERYBODY, (know what I mean?) But I feel ya though, I feel ya! Stay up Sistah! Things are being worked out as we speak, and God is giving you courage, and confidence, and strength, and understanding and wisdom about some things...it's gonna be okay Mani-Mani! It's gonna be just fine. You just keep embracing You and what it means to be You and let the music play...it soothes the soul.
-Meekz!

I know you are going thru somethings. Maybe you should try writing in a personal notebook to release your thoughts or maybe get a livejournal under a different name of something. I hope 2006 looks up for you.

I'm sorry... but I see Emani everyday... She's a little bigger than she may want to be, but girl... that ass is bangin'! Junk in the trizunk! Shake it mama!

A while ago I read one of your poems for the first time. To think i have known you for so long yet have never heard any of your poetry. When i first went to you page I wondered some were if there would be any written about me. I wondered if all of our experiences had ever served as a muse for you. Though i found none i was not hurt, i just read what was there and in the end was truly inspired. I cant recall the exact name of the poem but it was something along the lines of being trapped in time or falling victim to time or something like that, none the less the poem spoke to me. I have often visited your pages silently reading the goings on in your life or what little i could make out from what you were writing. I am not sure were you are in life at this point. From the sound of it you sound as if things are not going so great yet and still you hold on to your dream. I admire you for that. As i read your words and reminisce on the you that i know i feel ashamed . Ashamed at myself for not having half the drive in my life that you have in yours. And mostly ashamed for letting so much go. How it happened i do not know. I don't think i will ever know, so i tell myself that hey it was just meant to be this way. I have told myself that for so long, yet every time i visit your page and hear your words i cant imagine how that could be so. Every thing about you is every thing i have ever wanted in someone. In fact you are the only person i have ever truly wanted (well i did want Madonna when i was younger but that don't count), and since i know that i will never have you i have to always live with what could have been. Its like my life some were took this wrong turn and now i am headed down some different road. Its as if every thing i do now is something that i should not be doing. Don't think im crazy, but at times i wonder if there is some alternate world out there, a world of paths not taken, and in this world were me and you might be. I even wonder what would have happ

I even wonder what would have happened if.......... well never mind. I guess i just appease my thought with the notion that every thing happened for a reason, and that maybe god did not intend for certain things to happen. But if this is the case then why does God constantly remind me of how perfect of a person you are for me? And why after all these years can i not fully let you go? I truly wish you the best. I always have. And though i have not talked to you in some time you are always on my mind and in my heart. I think i will just have to live with that fact, that you will always be there.

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